This is the one year anniversary of me quitting my job and going off on my own. It's been harder and more rewarding that I could have ever imaged.
Every day I think about going back to my old company and groveling for my job back, or finding a job that will pay me a steady check, or ending it all because I'm too crippled with depression to move.
Every. Single. Day.
On the good days, I think about how much more I would have in my bank account if I also had a job. On bad days, I collapse from the depression and can't move.
Most days are the middling days. Nothing really happens in them. They aren't up and aren't down. On those days I keep moving forward, wondering if I made the biggest mistake of my life.
But I don't stop. I keep moving forward. I regret it every day, but I also could never see me doing anything else. It's hard to image living those two emotions simultaneously, but they are with me constantly. Pride and regret. Shame and joy. Love and Hate.
I have been a reluctant entrepreneur my whole life. I wanted the stability of a job but hated every job I ever had. I've gone from job to my own business and back to job and then back to entrepreneurship so many times. I've come to terms with the fact this is my life. I am this thing. I am me.
I have not taken the easy route of selling established products either. I've not taken the easy route to sell popular products. I've sold my own products, building my own name, on my own terms. That I'm very proud of. When people buy my products it's because of me and the products my team created with our bare hands.
I'm not a carpenter. I'm not a mechanic. I don't build that sort of stuff.
I build companies. I build content. I build dreams. I am very proud of that.
Now let's just hope the shaky house of cards lasts until I can find some hot glue.